"Hard work is not easy." --Papa Peter Rhodes
I returned home yesterday from a three-day intensive I taught with my friend, Darren Rhodes at Yoga Oasis. Darren and I have been friends for many moons and have spent literally over a thousand hours co-teaching over the years. This training, like every time we teach together was a intense, sweet, difficult, beautiful, fun, hard, running us all through a gamut of emotions and a rich group process.
The title of the workshop was The Work and we used Red Hawk’s book, Self-Observation, as springboard for inquiry and discussion. Based on the principles of the the Fourth Way, this book offers a thought-provoking foray into the process of developing a relationship with attention.
On the last morning we had a discussion about the relationship between self-observation and privilege which launched us in to some tender and passion-filled territory about money, beauty, race, gender, opportunity and oppression, fragility and courage. I want to protect the sanctity of the space that occurred by not giving a point-by-point recap. The tender vulnerability and messy honesty we shared is still too raw and precious for public consumption on a blog. I can’t risk that the details would be held in anyway other than sacred.
That being said, the experience was so valuable I feel like I need to write something.
The landscape of my yoga trainings is changing. Only a few years ago, the kinds of questions I was asked had to do with poses and personal psychological issues. Now, due to magnificent work in the fields of activism and in the intersection of social justice and yoga, coupled with the disturbing trends in our national political arena, students and yoga teachers are asking different questions.
Don’t get me wrong— I still get questions about how to deepen back bends, how to deal with injuries, and I still hear about plenty about personal challenges and triumphs. But when my former teacher would use the word diversity, I think he really mostly meant that we could all be different— in so far as a group of mostly affluent, white people can be different. Like, some can be loud and some can be quiet and some can be funny and some can be serious. Maybe he meant racial diversity but there was really only one or two people of color in any training from what I observed. The word was used, sure, but not in the same way, that we use it now.
Of course, because this is a blog entry and I am attempting to keep my tendency to ramble reigned in, I am making gross generalizations. I mean no harm. I am hoping to illustrate that, while we have so much work to do-- as a culture and as a yoga community— to dismantle systems of oppression through education and action, something has shifted in the field.
One of my long-time students was in the room this weekend. She told me that her Facebook memories feed had a quote she posted six years ago. The quote read something like— “If you are a happy person, the world will be a happy place. And if you are an unhappy person, the world will seem to you an unhappy place. The world reflects to you your inner state.” In the last six years she got a master’s degree, educated herself on the realties of systemic oppression and institutionalized racism, and is now an outspoken feminist and body-positive yoga teacher with a private psychotherapy practice who would never post a quote like that. She and I discussed how a conversation like our group had on Sunday morning would never have been in that same room six years ago. We both knew that was true, because we have both been in that very room for almost ten years.
So maybe there is a reason for hope.
I should state honestly that our group’s conversation wasn’t perfect and I was grateful to have it. We plodded together through what was messy, clunky, awkward, tense, loving, heart-breaking, incomplete, unresolved, and difficult. I had to laugh that the workshop was called The Work, not The Play and so I really should have known.
Of course, work like we did in a classroom will not change Congress, will not feed the hungry, will not fix the hatred and division surfacing in the fabric of our country and world right now. It will not stop fires, floods, or famine. It will not put an immediate end to misogyny, rape, abuse, injustice, discriminatory policies and so on. So we are clear that I am clear, I am not saying that praying for world peace is working for peace.I do not think 60 people— 51 of them white— is a particularly diverse population sample.
What self-observation practices have done for this person of privilege is to give me a greater capacity to observe my own defensiveness, my own fragility, my own seeds of conditioned division without getting so filled with shame that I have to shut down completely, Difficult conversations with my friends, students, and colleagues have helped me see how precarious the line is between wanting to help and being a savior; between creating space for others to speak up and speaking for others.
I have no easy answers or elegant conclusions with which to to end today’s entry. I do have appreciation and respect for my students and for the activists who are willing to keep disrupting the status quo so that we can all grow into our humanity more fully. Additionally, I have a renewed understanding of the necessity of heart-break on the road to this expanded possibility of humanness.
There is no way to wake up to the violence, oppression, division, injustice, and degradation upon which so much of our culture is built without heart-break. There is no way to truly listen to individual people’s struggle to communicate with themselves and one another what it means to navigate those same forces in a world that denies they exist without it breaking your heart. And there is no way to own up to our own conscious and unconscious complicity in the system without heart-break. And so, we must cry our tears as we let the heart shatter and work anyway.
And make mistakes. And keep working.
Also, for tangible help for navigating this new territory, please consider supporting this Kickstarter project by Michelle Johnson.
Find out more about Michelle here-- https://www.michellecjohnson.com/.
(click the picture and it will take you to her campaign.)
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"There is a light that shines beyond all things on Earth, beyond us all, beyond the heaven, beyond the highest, the very highest heavens. This is the light that shines in our heart."